I would rather be thought crazy and retain my soul,
Than normal and lose it.
There are many things in this world that appear and disappear in a moment.
The sacred relationship of me with me,
The Soul, Spirit, Divine me,
Is not one if them.
At the end it is only me with me
So I better like who I find.
No soul crunching choices,
They cost too much.
No cutting me down to fit in,
I don’t wish to live as one already dead.
Instead I choose to walk, me with me, soul and human, walking with God to nourish the Soul Life in all that I do in this ever changing world.
With Love and Gratitude,
The first teaching My Guru Sai Maa offered me (I am filled with Gratitude writing these words!) was about moving through emotion.
At that time in my life, I would get caught up in intense feelings of overwhelm during my daily life. Not knowing how to deal with this, I gathered my courage and asked Sai Maa about this at a small Q and A session shortly after I first met Maa.
She asked me if I was feeling overwhelmed in that moment. I said yes, a little bit.
She asked me to feel it 100% and, though I was scared at what would happen, I said ok and tried it. At first I only got to about 70% by my estimate. She said, no problem, just try again.
For some reason, even then I couldn’t get to 100% and when I told Maa (thinking I was doing something wrong), she said “Oh? What happened?”
I responded, “It disappeared.” (Still thinking I’d done it wrong)
To which she said “Ah” with that knowing smile of hers.
I realized then that the overwhelm was completely gone and I was filled with calm and joy and a huge smile spread across my face.
This has been an incredibly powerful teaching for me over the past few years. Maa recently said that so often we humans will go into an emotion only a little bit, resisting it, but if we would only go into it, feeling it 100% without mentally feeding the emotion, we would go through the tunnel to find the light at the other side.
Lately this practice has moved to a new place in which I find that moving into and breathing through moments of stress or anxiety brings me directly into the Love and immensity of my Soul, my Higher Self, and dissolves the internal conflict leaving only Love and deep connection to my Self.
If you want to try this, here is how I approach it:
1) Identify the emotion (naming it can be helpful for clarity, but feeling it is sufficient. Take it one emotion at a time to start)
2) Feel it in the body, notice where there is tension or resistance
3) Focus on the area where you feel the emotion and really let yourself feel it 100% while consciously bringing the breath in this area.
Note: This is not a mental exercise! I have had success with this only when I feel what is present rather than thinking about how it feels.
Can be the trail of love going forth from my heart that I follow inexorably
Into the arms of the unknown
Joyous to see what may be found
(In my mind’s eye, I always picture Buttercup from the Princess Bride leaping out of the window in her white dress at the end of the film)
Recently I have been reminded to enjoy the juiciness of life. To create my life: Movement, action, grace and vibrancy in my everyday life and in my being. To respect myself and care for my body. I was asked–do you live from the pain in life or from the pleasure? What do you hold on to and what does that bring to your life? Which do you choose to focus on, to pursue?
It reminds me of a poem I read in Rumi: the Book of Love translated by Barks Coleman and others. It’s called “Breadmaking” and it is about a scholar who has studied knowledge and yet never experienced life it seems. He disturbs the banquet of the king by protesting the good food and wine. Rumi says at this:
“This is sometimes how it is at God’s table.
Someone who has heard about ecstatic love, but never tasted it, disrupts the banquet.
He’s all fire and no light, all husk and no kernel.”
At this point in the poem, the king orders the cupbearer (the invisible guide) to “do what you must.” And the scholar is forced to enjoy himself and does just that, fully, even making love with aplomb.
The poem ends telling us: “A mutual embrace us always happening between the eternal and what dies, between essence and accident. The sport has different rules in every case, but it’s basically the same, and remember, the way you make love is the way God will be with you.”
This is the pleasure I see as the opposite of pain. For that pleasure is not a hedonistic search but instead arises from deep joy, passion and love for life. It creates vibrancy in our beings where we leave past hurts behind and have the freedom to create our lives anew. How do we find this place? look at the places of joy in your life and see where in you this joy, this pleasure arises. Care for yourself, nurture yourself and your joy. Take action and see what grows.
Hail to the Joy of Being!